For any who care or are wondering, I am ok. I’m really busy, but I’m ok. All my roommates are leaving this weekend so I’ll have no friends in town this weekend so if I get my homework done, I’ll try to make some more submissions. Thank you guys for not getting mad at me for not keeping up too well. I love you all and I hope that you are having a good school year so far. Know that I have read all my messages and you have not been ignored. I love you all. I’ll talk to you later.

Tonight was a disaster. It was my last night in town before I move to college and I spent it with the people I wanted to… But I was an hour and a half late with my curfew. I didn’t want to leave. I don’t want to leave. I didn’t want to drive away and see everything fade into the night for what actually might be the last time. I got home and was reminded of how awful I am and I think I just got cut off by my family.. I don’t mean to fuck everything up. I just wish I was understood more. I didn’t want to leave… I just didn’t want to leave.. I didn’t want to be alone again and now I’m more alone than I’ve ever been before.

I’m just really scared that this thing is actually going to be the thing that kills me… And I’m scared that I have less time than I thought. I’m scared that I won’t be able to achieve my dreams. I used to think about dying all the time, and I still do occasionally although I would never do anything, but now it all scares me. I’m scared that instead of thinking about dying, it might actually happen now.

My life has turned into a mess of tests and doctors appointments

I cried so hard during the fault in our stars not only because it’s sad, but because I found myself kind of relating to it all because of all the tests I’m doing and that scared the hell out of me.

My anxiety has been extremely high lately…

I feel like absolute shit.

Anonymous asked:
Hey there, I know all of this is scary as hell but always have hope that no matter what things will work out okay. I hope everything works out and know that God is looking out for you. Best wishes! Love you!

Thank you. I actually got really lucky. I found out Thursday because I got in a car wreck that morning and went to the hospital to see if I had whiplash. It is standard to do a CT scan and thats when they found it so then I did an MRI and now I have to do more tests so we can really find out what it is. But I haven’t had any symptoms. No seizures or headaches. Nothing. No family history or medical problems. If I hadn’t have been in that wreck and gone to the hospital which was my call, I would have never known until maybe in the future if it effected me. It’s still really scary and I’m still stressed out because I know we don’t have the money for this shit.

So I might have a brain tumor and I’m really scared. I don’t know how we would pay for the surgery or how it would go and if it is a tumor it could be cancerous and I just found out Thursday and I’m just really scared.

My senior quote is: “Did everyone see that? Because I will not be doing it again.” - Jack Sparrow

Is it good? haha